The Guitar (May 1, 1994)

The Guitar

The guitar sat in the corner of the room. It had been there among the furnishings for a very long time. Strangely though, it gathered no dust. Now and again one could faintly hear the strings hum a distant and sorrowful melody. What beautiful harmony could have been if only someone had picked up that guitar and perhaps sung along. But there sits the guitar, amid the other objects, not really alone, but nonetheless lonely in its own way.

Inkomatic (October 23, 1990)

The timestamp on the original file is October 23, 1990. After 22 years I do not remember writing this.

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Operating Instructions Inkomatic Pen model 357b

FEATURES

• easy glide ball point
• super strong titanium ball
• shatter proof plastic shell
• super springy spring
• double sized ink cartridge
• smooth action ratchet system
• heavy duty re-enforced pen clip

INTRODUCTION

We are pleased to introduce to you one of the most sophisticated writing devices available today. Included are instructions on its use and troubleshooting hints. Keep this manual nearby for quick reference.

USING YOUR INKOMATIC PEN

1. Grasp pen with four fingers against palm.
2. Depress pen tip deployment button located on top of pen, then release.
3. Grasp pen between thumb and first two fingers.
4. Rest hand on table. Descend pen until it comes in contact with paper.
5. Move hand and fingers to form desired shapes.

WHEN FINISHED

1. Lift pen and hand from table.
2. Grasp pen with four fingers against palm.
3. Depress pen tip deployment button, then release.
4. Slide pen clip over paper, clipboard, etc.
5. Store in a safe place.

CARE OF YOUR INKOMATIC PEN

1. Never leave pen in direct sunlight.
2. Avoid contact with water.
3. Avoid temperatures greater than 80°C and less than 5°C.
4. Keep pen tip clear of dust.

TROUBLESHOOTING

Pen won't write

• Make sure pen tip is deployed
• Check if ink cartridge is empty

Pen tip won't deploy

• Check for debris lodged in pen tip orifice

SPECIFICATIONS

• ink type: Inkomatic number 50367-06
• cartridge type: Inkomatic power tube 368-51
• max. spring load: 186 g
• max. ball pressure: 30 kPa
• cartridge volume: 15 mL
• weight: 8.5 g
• dimensions: 113 mm long x 8 mm diameter

Designs and specifications subject to change without notice.

WARRANTY

The Inkomatic Pen Co. warrants this product to be free from defects in material and workmanship and agrees to remedy any such defect. This warranty covers 1 month labour and 2 months parts from the date of original purchase.

This warranty does not apply outside the boundaries of Zimbabwe or to any product which has been improperly installed, subject to usage for which the product was not designed, misuse or abuse, shipping damage, or which has been altered or repaired in any way that affects the reliability or detracts from the performance.

Batteries are not covered by this warranty.

WARNING:

To avoid shock hazard, do not insert this product into an electrical source.

CAUTION:

To reduce the risk of internal damage, do not remove cover. No user serviceable parts inside. Refer servicing to qualified service personnel.

Whale Snot (Summer 1990)

The following is something I wrote during the summer break after my first year at university. I put it together as a mailer and sent it to all my university friends. So as to reduce the suspicion it came from me, I drove to Hespeler and used the post office there instead of my local one.

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Whale Snot

Some people think it's disgusting. Others think it's revolting. And still others think it's totally and completely useless.

NOT TRUE!!! Whale snot in fact has a great many uses and the first book in the new Slime-Lif™ books series, 1001 Things You Can Do With Whale Snot, tells you all about it.

From gourmet meals to plasticine and car wax to paint remover, this book tells you how to make everything step by step in your own home. Colourful diagrams and photographs provide a visual aid to simplify each process.

With this special offer, the first book is only $19.95. If you aren't satisfied you can return the book within two days and we'll send you another book.

If you keep it, each month you'll receive another new and exciting book for only $19.95.

Clothing from Camel Dung, 101 Ways to Prepare Donkey Saliva, and Wombat Sweat for Fun and Profit are just a few of the exciting books to follow. You'll look forward to receiving each and every book to build your collection.

And, if you act now, you'll also receive, absolutely free, the amazing Slime-Lif™ underwater wall mount calculator. Fully featured with seven buttons and 2.5 digit LED display, this calculator will help you keep track of the money you'll save by owning these fine books. Simply lag it to your wall, seal your house and fill it with water and your calculator is all set to go.

So call now and order your first book, 1001 Things You Can Do With Whale Snot, to start collecting immediately. Here's how:

Send $19.95 to:

Whale Snot
Slime-Lif Books
124369 Nasal St. N.
Boogerville, NY
90000

or call toll free from Zimbabwe

1-800-BIGSNOT

and have your Ed's Diskount Kard ready to charge.